Motherhood makes you foggy-brained

When we got home from church today I couldn’t think. I felt stressed over my not even formulated to-do list and it made me wander around the house not getting anything done at all. I didn’t even want to do the things I enjoy. Paul, knowing me as well as he does, sent me off to Barnes and Noble. While I walked I talked to Mom and Dad and they filled me in on all the details of Peter’s birthday weekend. Then I spent the next hour or so reading. The fog lifted. I organized by to-do list in a few minutes and realized it was totally manageable. The cure for my foggy brain is getting some space from any mom-type responsibility and dusting off the critical thinking part of my brain.

I just finished reading a book that does a great job affirming this and other aspects relating to work and motherhood (Also a Mother: Work and Family as a Theological Dilemma). Miller-McLemore talks about the fact that mothers are not writing in the midst of their mother simply because to do so would require them to step away from time playing, tending to children's needs, etc. She says that in order to do creative or productive work we must have physical and mental space from our reproductive work (mothering and fathering). Both men and women have a need to do both productive work and reproductive work because both are essential to our development. When your body and energy are so consumed by the joys and challenges of caring for children, it is easy to lose sight of the bigger picture and that fog just keeps getting thicker!

Before becoming a mother I had high hopes and expectations for what I’d accomplish during nap time. It was my intention to get most of the house work done other times of the day so that nap time could be dedicated to creative work like reading, writing – essentially thinking. Now I realize that even when Oliver is sleeping well, one part of my mind is dedicated to listening for him, thinking about him, anticipating him. I often feel like my nap time break is squandered because I am tired or not thinking clearly enough to stop doing the work that is never done (laundry, cleaning, cooking). I’m learning to accept this reality and also ask for and appreciate the times when I can go off by myself and have physical and mental space. These times do make me a better mother.